I know that I am a selfish person, always unwilling to put myself in trouble, and unwilling to be an enemy of others. Therefore, I conceal the agreement of that year deeply in my heart.
I’m an introvert, I don’t know how to talk, and I don’t know how to make good relations with classmates, so I have always been alone until you come. One goes to school, one studies, one eats, and the other goes to the women’s toilet. On the surface, I look indifferent and there is no turmoil. In fact, they don’t know how much I envy them, and I have someone to do everything.
But after so many changes, verbal abuse and disgust, I dare not take the initiative to talk, dare not take the initiative to show okay, I am afraid that in exchange for disgust.
In the second year of the second grade, you came, which brought me short-term light and joy, and also made me feel the feeling of being spoiled.
You’ve just arrived, and you didn’t integrate into other small groups so quickly, so you found me who was lonely. After coming and going, we became inseparable friends. You cut a short hair, and I asked you why you didn’t have long hair. You touched the flat marble-like head on the back of your head and said, if you have long hair, the back is too flat and not good-looking. I smiled and said nothing.
You will always come up with some weird things suddenly, I am not a person who likes to ask more, and I never wanted to explore anything in the past, just thinking, we just keep going.
That winter, we agreed to go hiking on the first day of the new year. Early that morning, I was excited to wash and go out to look for you. The sky is slightly bright, and the little white snow on the top of the mountain is like your smile, so dazzling.
We walked and stopped on the wall of the broken city on the top of the mountain, choosing a dry grassland, holding hands and feet together, looking at the slowly rising sun. You turned your head, covering your mouth and suffocating a laugh. I was wondering. You pointed to my shoes and said, you wore the wrong shoes hahaha! When I saw it, I was embarrassed and blushed and threatened you not to tell others.
The sun is shining brightly, and the first snow has melted. We are standing in the pavilion, you hug me from behind, put my hand that is always not hot and rub it gently on the palm of your hand, and then gently say: “We will come here to watch the snow every year on the first day of the new year. Sunrise, this is an agreement between the two of us, okay?” “Good!”
Just like I wore the wrong shoes, how can two different pairs of shoes be strong together? We parted ways in the end and never met again.
The school started, but the new semester has undergone new changes. Everything has changed as a result. How many times I recalled, I was thinking, if I stood firmly in front of you that year, would the ending be different?
School has started, and you have new friends. I am finally just one of your friends, and I finally no longer enjoy your “single pet”. They will cater to your preferences even more. You always have endless topics, and I can only stand by your side and follow silently.
Until one day, a few girls came to you, said a lot of bad things about you, and told me not to play with you. You looked at me and finally got angry and fought with them. I finally separated you.
From what they said, I knew that you transferred from another school in the county, and you were squeezed out because you did something bad. I feel sorry for you, but I didn’t believe them. You didn’t say, I didn’t ask, I just took your hand and walked silently. I thought you didn’t want to say it, so I didn’t say anything. I thought it would make me believe in you. Maybe the suspicion was buried right now.
You are getting closer and closer to them, I feel you are getting further and further away from me, but I don’t know what to do. I am afraid of being isolated, disgusted and insulted, and I don’t know how to restore a friendship that is about to collapse.
Suddenly one day, one of your good friends advertised in the class that you had stolen her mobile phone, and the small groups who played well with her also testified one after another. Suddenly, you were squeezed out by everyone, and just like me, you became the lonely person.
They came to me and told me not to play with you, otherwise I would become like you. I ignored them, but a seed of suspicion was still planted in my heart. I think of the weird things you always have, the middle-aged lady’s handbag you were holding when I found you, the mobile phone you always change, and what the girls in the alley said… As if everything has a trace to follow, as if everything has an answer.
You came back to me again, went to school with me, and went home with me. You will buy snacks and share the fruits with me, as if we were still the way we were. It’s just different in the end.
You still didn’t explain, I still didn’t ask. You were squeezed out, I was isolated.
After more than a month in this way, you suddenly disappeared in my life. You left without saying hello to anyone, and the people in the class didn’t feel anything, as if it were taken for granted.
I stared blankly at the place where you once sat was occupied by others, and walked through all the places we have walked, but I never saw you again. In the first snow in winter, I stood by the river, boarded the pavilion we had made an appointment, and waited for the wind and the rain.
Year after year, there is no wind, no moon, and no you!
Sorry, I miss you!